Someone who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and takes it back
when it starts to rain.
BOY SCOUT:
A child dressed like an asshole under the leadership of an asshole dressed
like a child.
CONSULTANT:
Someone who uses your wife's watch, tells you the time, and then charges you
for it.
DIPLOMAT:
Someone who tells you to go to hell in a way which makes you eager to start
the journey.
ECONOMIST:
An expert who will know tomorrow why that which he predicted yesterday
didn't happen today.
FRIEND:
Definition of a person of the opposite sex who has that "Je ne sais quoi"
which eliminates any desire to ever try and sleep with them..
PESSIMIST:
Optimist with experience
PROGRAMMER:
Someone who fixes a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't
understand.
PRIEST:
Someone addressed by everyone as "Father" except his children who call him
"uncle".
PSYCHOLOGIST:
Someone who looks at everyone else when an attractive woman enters the room.
STATISTICIAN:
Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an
engineer.
UROLOGIST:
Someone who looks at your penis with disdain, touches it with disgust, then
charges you as if he'd sucked it.
LOVE:
Four-letter word, two vowels, two consonants and two idiots.
DANCING:
The vertical frustration of a horizontal desire.
HEADACHE:
Method of contraception most widely used by women.
INTELLECTUAL:
Someone capable of thinking for more than 2 hours about something other than
sex.
PITIFUL:
Someone with an erection who walks into a wall and breaks his nose.
TONGUE:
Sexual organ which some degenerates use for the purpose of speech.
MONOGAMY:
Repressed polygamy.
NANOSECOND:
Fraction of time which occurs between the lights turning green and the car
behind honking its horn.
NYMPHOMANIAC:
Term applied by men to any woman who wants sex more than he does.
TEAMWORK:
The possibility of putting the blame on others.
INTERVIEW:
That which can be seen between the interviewee's legs.
ETERNITY:
Period of time which lasts from when you finished until when you leave her
in her house.
EASY:
Term applied to any woman with the sexual morals of a man.
HARDWARE:
The part of the computer which you kick when the software malfunctions.
IMPATIENCE:
Waiting in a hurry.
INDIFFERENCE:
Attitude adopted by a woman towards a man in whom she has no interest;
interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get".
QUANTUM PHYSICS:
A black man, looking in the shadows for a black cat ~~